They have lived in hell; they are not devils; now they want out.


Aug 2012

Must have had a Twin

Never had I thought anything much about friendship, love, companionship, betrayal, trust and etc as anything to plan. I knew and believed they just happen and find us. I did for a long time until this day I rested my thoughts.

The first time we met I thought she was some airhead bimbo or she acted so, asking how much a free sample cost. She had lots of friends with her who somehow looked like her. They were six of them or so. She looked like their leader, a bimbo with her cronies. They walked into the mall, heads high with a ‘dare-say’ gait, marching like bimbos parading for an IQ test. They grabbed all the attention they could lay their hands on.

They had walked into the stall next to where I was. The way they hugged and kissed, rocking each other and laughing wildly, like it’s none of your business confirmed my thoughts. Then one by one took different directions. They acted like they knew it inside out or so they did. They were casually friendly with the owner of the stall. They were very familiar with the place. Now almost dropping what I had in my hands, I keenly studied them one by one as they scatterd freely all over the mall. My eyes keenly following the queen bimbo. I lost sight of her and settled on the others as they moved and disappeared too. Since they had snatched my attention, I didn’t notice the cronie behind me.

Scorpions do not sting each other just as well as the bird of the same feather flock together so I thought so. But there was something I couldnt tell that was peculiar with the ‘queen bimbo’. When I saw her for the first time she was outstanding, trying to blend with her cronies though I could see that she was different.

There was this thing about her that I couldn’t identify yet it distinctively secluded her from the group. I couldn’t know what yet. Back to my self, I noticed her in the row I had perused and given up on. She kept smiling or she had a smiling face. I kept glancing or I had a glancing face. She looked my direction as she slowly moved from stand to stand checking clothes like she was not really interested in. I realized that just one of them was busy shopping while the rest were just passing time.

She kept smiling and now close to where I was standing, occasionally glancing my direction with unnecessary warmth. There was this natural sweetness of honey she had, that I still couldn’t tell from where. Her smile was contagious and I did smile too towards her direction.

It is like she was waiting for that, because immediately, she moved straight to where I was standing. And reaching for the dress in my hands, she pulled it off my hands and pushed in another that she was carrying into my hands.

“Here, you’ll like this.” She said as a matter of fact, her smile overtaking the “what!” I was going to unleash from my mouth. “I am Ava,” she added not waiting for any reaction from me.

I pulled my hands from the shelves to meet hers that had been waiting for seconds now. She would pass for a therapist with her keen powers of observation and understanding intellect. With the hand shake, a feeling of warmth hit me and it was like we had met in another life time. She wasn’t a friend. She was a stranger I was meeting for the first time yet I felt I had known her for a life time.

Ava. Ava was her name, however a stranger she was, I thought I would love her; her gait, it explained mine. Ava was a dancer with a group known as Kopi. So I got to know as she narrated. This was though a camouflage for the real thing they did, they were table dancers. So I came to learn. She was a table dancer by night, a Kopi by day. This is just something she did and I did not want to use that to define her entire character. She seemed so relaxed telling me all these. At some point I thought she was this cronie that just open their mouth wide to any who has ears. But then again I thought, of what gain or even loss?

“At some point I wished my earlier life back, the life style,” she said with a touch of serenity that I felt part of. I listened keenly as I sipped the vanilla juice silently. I never realized how that happened as we sat at the opposite where there was a cafe. “It wasn’t a choice, but just a mechanism…” she sipped then continued, “a mechanism to help me deal with my fears, esteem and ego and a frustrated past.”
“Something you have learned to perfect,” I added.

I could read all the amazement in her eyes and the desire to speak and hear more. I felt I had known her and now she turned her face away in unexplained fear, fear of knowing all that was in her heart and mind.

Her cronies were out in the alley peering for her, and it was time to go. I gained courage and asked her one last question.
“Why are you buying low and selling high?” I asked.
Her attention was already drawn to her cronies or she pretended so to avoid me.
“Do you think this would last forever” I added.
She stared back at me trying to suppress the doubt from her mind. She then gave me a toothless smile.
“I also don’t really know who you are,” I confirmed her thoughts, “but…” She didn’t let me finish, she grabbed me by the shoulder gave me a long warm hug and ran to her cronies. I tried holding her back, but she slipped off and went. I was left with 11 more questions, standing and staring into the space to which she disappeared.

Every person has got somewhere or something to place their belief and trust in, however the degree varies from one to another. And the belief can also be lost under circumstances that do not match with set beliefs. A diamond is still a diamond even though it doesn’t know its worth or its value, but it, still is a diamond, so she was.

Just staring into space. My attention was distracted by the music distorted from the cafe on the basement. I strained to hear the words then turned to find my four year old sister holding the doom can as her mic and fumbling with ‘…I had a dream, a song to write… if you see the colours of the scary tail…’

Voice of Innocence

Another dawn time
Birds chirping joyously
My casual friends
Morning dew, a norm to my bare sole
No news to my soul
Over and over
In a decade and quarter
A perfect bread winner
Peers have no idea
They know how to be children
Point to the moon
Paint the sky yellow
Get dirty playing ping pong
Ask about the butterfly
All I remember
Little sister need to eat, some affection for little brother
All I hear from their frail voices
‘Big brother,
Will we eat today, will we drink?’ Big brother indeed
ln this contest
And another
‘No flour, no water, no no, no nothing
And little brother
Only gets dirty hunting
Hunting for daily bread
School can just be
But little brother and little sister
Huddle together in company,
As they wait for my return
With mamma and papa
In their peaceful hide out, the graveyard

Near harvest time
Chasing the early birds
That won’t let us have our daily bread
Morning and evening
I plan like mamma and papa would
Hope still my sky
Determination my tread twirl
Trail of patience overcome by hope
Should another dawn come
Always have my voice of innocence.

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